I’ve worked with so many parents who feel like they are fighting an uphill battle when it comes to their child’s health.

They do their best to provide nutritious meals, encourage movement, and set boundaries—only to watch those efforts get undone by conflicting messages at home.

One mother recently broke down in tears during a session, telling me how she carefully plans balanced meals, only for her husband to bring home fast food as a “treat” every night. Another parent felt like the bad guy for enforcing screen time limits while their spouse handed their child a tablet during meals just to keep the peace.

‍When children receive mixed signals about food, movement, and self-care, they grow up confused about what “healthy” even means. One moment, they’re being told to eat more vegetables; the next, they’re rewarded with ice cream for good behavior. It’s no wonder so many kids struggle with emotional eating, weight gain, and low self-esteem.

The problem isn’t a lack of effort—it’s a lack of alignment. Let’s break down the most common ways inconsistency leads to excess weight in children and how parents can take back control.

A classic example I see is one parent believing that food is love—offering ice cream after a hard day at school or a treat for good behavior—while the other parent tries to teach portion control and mindful eating.

This sends mixed signals to the child. They start associating unhealthy food with comfort and rewards, making it harder to resist emotional eating later in life.

Many parents don’t realize that children don’t just listen to what they’re told—they mirror what they see. I worked with a father who always told his son to eat more vegetables, but the child never saw him eat a single one.

Another mother was trying to reduce her daughter’s sugar intake, but she herself had a nightly habit of eating cookies before bed. Kids pick up on these contradictions, and it makes them question why they should make healthier choices if their parents aren’t.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve worked with parents who have completely opposite approaches to discipline. One parent yells, enforces strict food rules, and makes their child feel ashamed for eating too much, while the other feels they have to compensate—offering comfort food, soothing their child, and making exceptions to balance out the harshness.

This creates an emotional rollercoaster for the child, leading to stress eating and an unhealthy relationship with food.

Even when both parents are aligned, other influences can interfere. Grandparents often mean well but can unknowingly sabotage healthy habits. I worked with a family where the mother carefully planned nutritious meals, but every time her daughter visited her grandmother, she was given unlimited sweets and junk food.

The result? The child began to associate visits to grandma’s house with overindulgence and cravings for unhealthy food at home.

In some families, I’ve seen a parent try to use shame or guilt as a motivator—telling their child, “You’re getting too fat” or “No one will like you if you keep eating like that.”

Others will compare them to their thinner siblings or restrict food harshly while making them feel bad about their hunger.

This doesn’t encourage weight loss—it destroys self-esteem and fosters emotional eating. A child who feels constantly judged for their body will often sneak food, overeat in secret, or develop disordered eating patterns as they grow up.

I had a father once tell me he was doing everything right—encouraging sports, limiting screen time, and getting his son outside. But his wife and her parents would let their son play video games for hours on end, arguing that it was his ‘relaxation time.’

The child began exercise as something forced and unpleasant, rather than something that should be part of daily life.

This is a big one. When one parent strictly forbids all junk food, while the other secretly allows it, the child starts to see unhealthy foods as something to sneak and overindulge in when given the chance.

I once worked with a mother who refused to let her son eat sweets, only to later find candy wrappers hidden under his bed because his dad would buy him treats in secret. Similarly, I’ve seen grandparents stock the house with chips and soda, making it impossible for parents to maintain healthy boundaries.

Children observe how their parents deal with stress. If one parent copes with stress by turning to alcohol, smoking, or emotional eating, the child learns to do the same. I worked with a mom who always had a glass of wine after work and a dad who ate chips while watching TV to ‘unwind.’

Their child would sneak snacks into his room whenever he felt overwhelmed. The habits we model become the habits our children adopt.

Routine is key for maintaining a healthy weight. But when one parent tries to establish a bedtime and structured meals, while the other lets their child stay up late and snack whenever they want, it disrupts their metabolism.

I’ve seen this firsthand in families where kids are groggy and craving sugar all day because of inconsistent sleep schedules. Without clear routines, children struggle to regulate their hunger and energy levels.

I have to admit, this is the single biggest challenge I help families with—creating consistency between parents and other key influences.

No matter how hard you try on your own, if both parents—or even grandparents—aren’t on the same page, it’s incredibly difficult to help a child develop long-term healthy habits.

Children thrive in environments where they receive clear, consistent messaging. If one parent, a grandparent, or another caregiver is constantly undoing the other’s efforts, the child remains stuck in a loop of confusion, frustration, and poor eating habits.

That’s why I work closely with families to bridge this gap. I help parents navigate external family influences and differences in parenting approaches to create a united strategy that actually works. Because when all key caregivers are aligned, that’s when real, lasting change happens.

If this is something you struggle with, you’re not alone. I invite you to take the first Step Together below to help your child break out of this cycle.

With love,